How often do you have a conversation ‘in your head’ with someone before you actually speak to them? Are you guessing what they are going to say or what they might think?
It seems to be the nature of most human beings that they expend a lot of energy worrying about what they think might happen or don’t want to happen, rather than what they want the outcome to be!
Can you imagine getting into your car and deciding where you don’t want to go, rather than where you do! How much gas and energy would you waste in not getting anywhere – well, it’s the same with our thoughts and communication.
Have you ever considered being debt free rather than rich – considering that ‘debt-free’ still doesn’t give you any money? What about losing some weight rather than being lean or slim? Are you really saying what you want?
The way you state your intended outcome and the questions you ask yourself have an enormous influence on what you achieve. If you talked about ‘reaching for tree tops’ rather than ‘shooting for stars’ do you think it would be as compelling? Unlikely. It’s far more inspirational to aim for a big goal than it is to aim for something that is easily within your reach – it’s only when we’re challenged that we learn to gather new resources and skills.
If you think of a time that you achieved something major in your life (e.g. got your driving licence, got a big promotion, or became a parent), you’ll notice that you were stretched outside of your comfort zone and made to grow as a person. These major milestones are both challenging and rewarding.
As children, we allow ourselves to grow by experiencing new things all the time. Then, over time, we begin to limit ourselves – the only difference being that our beliefs of what we are capable of have changed.
Considering that the thoughts we have and the language we use create our reality, think of what a difference it would make to empower yourself by using encouraging, positive thoughts and the language of belief – taking the word ‘can’t’ out of your vocabulary!
Because your unconscious mind can only process positives, saying ‘don’t want’ or ‘can’t have’ actually focuses all of your attention and energy on getting more of the same (e.g., “I don’t want to be fat”, is focussing on “I want to be fat”). You get whatever you focus on so use empowering language like ‘I can’, ‘I do’ or ‘I am’ to encourage yourself.
Speaking out loud to yourself enhances the strength of what you say – so say good stuff! Whether reciting a mantra, verbally encouraging yourself, or just giving yourself a positive pep talk, say it out loud. Shout it out!
One day, whilst driving, I tested this and shouted “I am powerful”. All of the people waiting for the bus turned to see where the ‘voice from above’ may have come from. The result was so dramatic and entertaining that my day felt powerful! Imagine what would happen if you set yourself up with the belief that you are powerful, or one similar, every day.
If you believe that you get what you focus on then make sure you focus on the positive aspects of your life. Move towards where you want to be! Instead of focussing on things you don’t like, ask yourself different questions e.g., “what would I prefer to happen?” or “What can I learn from this?” There will be something positive in every situation but, rather than waiting for it to reveal itself, actively look for it right away.
I’d like to challenge you to change the language you use, making the positive words big, loud and powerful, and reducing the negative words to low volume. Even changing the intensity of your negative words will make a difference – could you be ‘irritated’ rather than ‘furious’?
Negative emotions are only a reminder that you don’t like what is going on, so you need to change it! If you are in a negative state, think what you need to think, say what you need to say, and then create a positive outlook that will make you resourceful and take action.
Buddha said something along the lines of “…your thoughts create your world…” With that wisdom in mind, why not make your life as you want it to be?